Reflections: (Part 2) A Trip Across Countries and Continents

So here is part two of my reflection. If you haven't read the first part of the reflection or the summary of my trip, check them out in my blogs section! Now we begin.

After I flew to San Diego, we lived in a house of one of my mother's friends. Her friend brought one of her kids, me, and a few other teens to do a board game activity—a simulation of what one's life could look like really. I wrote a separate reflection on it here.

In part one, I talked about my new view of life: from the lives that I don't want, to a higher level of happiness, to giving to the community and the world. In this part, I take it to a more 'real' level about the path I might take, my dreams and ambitions.

To start with, the 'simulation' I played gave me a sense about things more concrete, such as what was necessary to achieve success, the larger symbols it might represent, and a certain path or decision that one might make. What this provided was more of a 'way' that I could take, and when taken to the symbolic level, it was a path that one must take to success.

I have been reading this summer a book by Douglas Hofstadter 'I am a Strange Loop'. This book talks about the "I" of humans through analogies to math, science, stories, etc, and it has made me think of my own "I", what it was like, and where it might take me. Reading a book like this was contrary to the fantasy I usually read. Instead of reading hours on end and immersing myself in the world of someone else, I read in short spurts of around 30 minutes, and between each spurt was time for me to think and to digest what I have read, and form my own opinions and reflect as I am reading. In his book, he talks about the abstract concept of an "I" and every person has, but cannot quite grasp or place. He compares an "I" to a strange loop, which I will not try to explain as I have not had the full grasp on it yet.

Yet it has prompted me to think more about the "I". As I try to understand his arguments on the existence, formation, and properties of an "I", I find myself forming my own thoughts on different things, as well as my own "I". There are certain parts of his arguments I agree with, other parts I do not. From here, I try to figure out why I agree, or why I disagree, before I continue reading. So after I read this book, I would have formed my own argument on the subject Hofstadter is talking about, and though it may be a less sophisticated and complex version, with parts derived from his perspective, it would still become part of my own "I".

Always, I find myself more fulfilled in some way after the repeated and constant thinking that happens. It is a way of learning about what I am here in the world for, and how I will achieve it. This thinking, and the happiness and fulfillment derive from it, is what sparked my interest in philosophy, which is basically just the reflection and thinking that I have done.

Near the end of the summer, I have also started thinking more about the future. Near future, as in colleges that I might go to, and what might I do to get in, and far future, as in the jobs that I might do, the life that I might lead. For the near future, my reflections have lead me to a few things: I would need to practice for the SAT, I would need certain 'activities', or rather, develop my own interests, not for college application, but through college application. It is an opportunity and process of personal growth that happens once in a lifetime, and I will take my chance.

What I will make for myself is a path. This path will contain, first, my next year and what happens during my application for college. I will continue to do what I love—writing short stories, reading novels. And I will start to do more of what I started this summer, from reflecting about myself, things I should do, and writing them down. It will be a mark of both personal growth and progress. And this path leads to a life I would like to live—a life of 'giving' kindness and help to others, deriving happiness not from the shallow, physical things but through hard work, and no matter what job I do, be that philosopher, author, or something else, I will always give it my all. It will be like the game that I played, and the thoughts I had—time will always pass fast, and it is the risks that we take, the choices that we make that decides our future. But it is also what makes up "I", an abstract, perhaps a hallucination or illusion that we rely on, and a necessary part of our lives. It is something we should cherish and take care of, by training it, protecting it from negative things, and use it to our benefit.